H(a)unted!

She had been whiling her time away at home, all day. This was an everyday ritual- she was taken out twice a day to stretch her legs. But other than, she spent most of her time at home, staring aimlessly at the floor. Actually no, she only looked like she was staring aimlessly- in her mind, a million thoughts churned. But she was always haunted by one thought- would she get to go to her favorite place today? 

Amma wasn't the most easy-going of people but she didn't mind it. Because every eccentricity of Amma's was balanced equally if not more with her love. You see, Amma snapped at her not to walk in the middle of the road but she also lovingly fed her food. So it balanced out. 

But lately, Amma had been very vigilant when she took her out. She'd walk alongside her, never letting her out of her sight, even for a minute. If she happened to linger at the side of the road for even a minute longer, Amma would hurry her along. It was almost like Amma wanted to get back home as soon as possible. Even the World seemed to have changed- a lot of people she saw now had some covering over their nose and mouths. Thankfully, she didn't yet have one- she would have hated that! I guess Amma thought she didn't need one. 

Anyways today, her hopes had risen slightly. They were out yet again. They went on their usual path for a walk but today, Amma was talking on her phone and didn't seem to realize that they had walked down far ahead of their usual path. In the opposite direction, in fact. Right in the direction of her favorite place! The HUNT was on!

Amma was talking animatedly on her phone and seemed not to pay the usual attention to her. Taking her chance, she sped up her pace, walked just a little faster and just a little more away from Amma. She furtively glanced behind her every few minutes, hoping that Amma hadn't realized her ploy. Where was it? Her favorite place seemed so far away, but she knew she was on the right path because she had seen this path so many times in her dreams! Pretty soon, her nostrils picked up the delicious smell of samosas and kachoris frying- aaahhhh, at last! Her steps quickened and she glanced one final time behind her. Her heart stopped- Amma seemed to have finally realized her trick and had started running towards her. Throwing caution to the winds, she sprinted the last ten steps to her favorite chaat shop! 

"Hi there! You are back again!" she could hear the friendly chaat shop owner 

"I want chaat!" she looked at him with pleading eyes and wagging tail. 

"Kiara, there you are! You gave me a fright!" Amma had finally caught up with her. "Sorry, she loves your shop- comes running and almost drags me to the shop!"

"Its OK! I love seeing her too!" laughed the friendly shop owner and readied yummy chaat to give her. 

Kiara had finally gotten her wish- it had taken only a few hundred hours of planning and a very carefully thought out walking plan to do so! 

Note: This is how I imagine my dog, Kiara's mind voice, works on our daily walks outside! Every day, she furtively plans to drag me to her favorite chaat shop, where the owner is more than happy to oblige her  😀😀😀

Happy Birthday, Amma!

Anyone remember this 90s quiz show called "Bournvita Quiz Contest"? Used to air for 1 hour on Sunday Evenings on Zee TV.

For some strange reason, over the past week, I had been watching a lot of old BQC episodes. Watching Derek O'Brien and the quizzing and the familiar show's soundtrack felt very comforting, gave me a sense of security. Initially, I didn't think much of it- just chalked it down to nostalgia. But only today, I realized with a shock that there was a deeper subconscious reason to it. 

Today, July 26th, is my mom's birthday- "was" my mom's birthday. We lost her about 8 years ago. After 8 years, I thought the pain would fade and become a little lesser but obviously my subconscious mind thought otherwise! You see, BQC also is a poignant reminder of times spent with my mom- sitting in the living room, she and I would tune in to Zee TV excitedly. Watching the show was one of the few times I'd see my usually calm mom become ebullient and childishly excited. Leaning on her legs and trying to beat her in answering the quiz questions remains to this day one of my most cherished memories.

Apparently, some hidden corner of my mind, knowing that her birthday was coming up, had dredged up some of that grief of losing her that I had pushed deep down. And, somehow I had sought out old BQC episodes just to feel secure once again, just to reconnect with those times with my mom.

We do have complex relationships with our parents, don't we? Courtesy the culture we grow up in and the generational gap that exists, I can definitely own up to a lot of exasperated eye-rolling and a lot of "I know what I am doing!" dialogues. Often, in all of that, I forget to acknowledge the their sacrifices or their hard work that has now built a better life for me. Or even acknowledge all the myriad ways they have tried to say "I love you". The South Indian culture that I grew up in is especially staid and stoic- unlike today, parents didn't gush about their kids or even say "I love you". It is tragic really that years after she passed, I finally realized that stroking my head affectionately (like she's doing in the picture above) was my mom's way of saying "I love you". Now that I think back, every-time she was proud of me or every-time I was super-stressed, I always remember her stroking my head. 

And today, long after she's gone, I realize she's still doing it. Why else would I suddenly feel like watching BQC so out of the blue, especially in the week of her birthday? 😌

So if you are reading this post today, take a moment to think about the people in your life- how do they say "I love you"?
Is it through "Have you eaten?" OR "Take your meds!" OR "Let me break that tablet into half to make it easier to swallow!", as my own dad says! 😁. Cherish it, revel in it and hold it close to your heart- trust me, when they are long gone, that is what remains with you!

"The ones that love us never really leave us, you can always find them in your heart"- Sirius Black